Ellen Pompeo has faced an array of personal, professional, and societal challenges since stepping into the limelight as Meredith Grey on Grey’s Anatomy. In a candid conversation during the March 18 episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast, Pompeo spoke with host Alex Cooper about the profound impact her skyrocketing fame had on her life and her relationship with her husband, Chris Ivery. Reflecting on the whirlwind success of Grey’s Anatomy and the challenges that came with it, Pompeo offered insight into how fame, tabloid scrutiny, racial biases, and professional inequality shaped her journey.
Pompeo and Ivery first crossed paths in 2003, two years before Grey’s Anatomy would become a cultural phenomenon. Their relationship began in relative privacy, but the show’s sudden and overwhelming success disrupted that peace. Pompeo described those early days as chaotic and overwhelming, saying, “Grey’s kind of came out of nowhere for us, and I just think we were on this crazy ride. We were just trying to hang on for dear life.” As the show’s popularity soared, Pompeo had to juggle her newfound celebrity status with the challenges of maintaining a stable relationship amidst relentless media attention.
One of the most difficult hurdles for Pompeo and Ivery was the intrusive and often harsh scrutiny of the tabloid press. Pompeo revealed that Ivery, who is Black, became the target of sensationalized media coverage, which frequently dredged up his past legal issues. “Part of it that was more intense for me, even more than that, was back to the tabloid stuff of how they started attacking him,” Pompeo recalled. The actress noted that the media’s portrayal of Ivery seemed unfairly biased, and she believed that racial dynamics played a significant role in the negativity.
Pompeo didn’t shy away from addressing the racial undertones that impacted public perceptions of her interracial relationship. “The truth is, Black men in the country aren’t given the same opportunities as everybody else,” she explained, candidly reflecting on the challenges Ivery faced. She described how their relationship seemed to provoke discomfort in some circles. “The media was really mean to him and really biased, because how dare this skinny, blonde, petite little woman be with this tall Black man,” Pompeo said, adding, “The visual of that, I think, America wasn’t ready for that.”
Despite the obstacles, Pompeo and Ivery persevered. They married in 2007 and went on to build a life together, welcoming three children along the way. Pompeo attributed their strength as a couple to their ability to remain grounded and focus on their love, despite the noise from the outside world. Their resilience allowed them to maintain a strong bond even in the face of public scrutiny and racial prejudice.
Pompeo’s challenges weren’t confined to her personal life, as she also faced gender-based inequality in her professional career. She opened up about the significant pay gap between herself and her co-star Patrick Dempsey, who played Derek Shepherd, famously known as “McDreamy.” While acknowledging Dempsey’s importance to the show, Pompeo expressed frustration over being paid less, despite being the titular character. “I’m not saying he didn’t deserve that money,” Pompeo clarified, emphasizing that her issue wasn’t with Dempsey but with the broader industry dynamics. “Just being that I was the namesake of the show, I deserved the same, and that was harder to get,” she explained.
The pay disparity, Pompeo noted, reflected a systemic issue in Hollywood, where women—even those in leading roles—are often undervalued compared to their male counterparts. “I wasn’t salty about him getting what he got,” she said. “I was salty that they didn’t value me as much as they valued him—and they never will.” Her remarks highlighted the ongoing challenges women face in the entertainment industry when it comes to achieving pay equity and recognition.
Throughout her career, Pompeo has been unapologetically honest about the realities of fame, race, gender, and relationships. Her reflections offer a nuanced perspective on the complexities of navigating success in Hollywood while contending with societal biases and systemic inequalities. Despite the challenges, Pompeo’s unwavering resilience has allowed her to thrive both as an actress and as a partner, and she remains committed to speaking out against injustice and inequality.
As Grey’s Anatomy continues to leave an indelible mark on television history and Pompeo explores new projects, her story serves as a powerful reminder of the unique challenges faced by women, particularly those in interracial relationships and leadership roles, in industries that are still grappling with issues of equality and representation. Through it all, Pompeo’s enduring love for her family, her grounded perspective, and her willingness to advocate for change remain a testament to her strength and authenticity.
